Mortality

Been thinking a lot about life, death, and uncertainty this week. You ever have the feeling the universe is trying to tell you something but you know you're not hearing her clearly? Last week we learned the terribly sad news of our dear friend Danny McManus' death. This really threw me for a loop. Up till now, all of the friends we've lost have either gone from a known disease or from doing something athletic that defined their presence in this time & space. Danny passed away from natural causes in his sleep. Wow. This just seems so unreal, a 39 year old man just dying. In his sleep. This could happen to any of us, at any time. I really need to stop worrying so much about the future, the unknown, and all the silly and trivial things that crowd my consciousness and BE IN THE MOMENT! It could be my last. I really want to make sure if I were to die tonight that my daughter would have some idea how to enter the world as an individual and be a woman she will be proud of--I hope I've given her a good foundation. My son, I know, would only have a dreamy remembrance of me, so I trust in Wes to give him memories. My heart hurts so much for Danny's family. I can't imagine losing my child.

On this topic of children entering into the adult world and finding their way, my heart is heavy with worry for a friend this week. His son, barely a man, found himself in a terrible situation. How he is going to get out of this, how he is going to learn from this and grow is very uncertain. Makes me realize that no matter how much we love our kids and teach them everything we know is right and true in the world, they ultimately have to make their own way. I am afraid for him. I am afraid for my kids, too. The world ain't what she used to be...

Another instance from this week that is weighing heavily on me is the accident that Fred had last Tuesday. This man is one of the strongest people I've ever met. He's been down this road before, and I have to ask WHY AGAIN? I am worried, but have to trust that he's going to be okay.

So what is the universe, or God trying to say to me this week? Do I go boldly into the world, keeping my child's eye view of eveyone and everything or do I crush into myself and protect my loved ones from the unknown. I think I'm going to take one small step, I hope in the right direction, by making an effort to embrace every moment for what it is, good or bad.